| random request. |
[Feb. 9th, 2010|10:38 pm] |
God give me stamina.
God give me endurance.
please.
i want to pass the ODAC trials.
please God.
ok this is a damn worldly request.still,God,if it's Your will,at least send me to a CCA i'll actually like.even if it's not ODAC.and please,not chess club.
ahh whatever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2010|09:37 pm] |
henceforth,i shall endeavor to shut my mouth about my little problem.no more emoing about a certain someone on livejournal or facebook.have to shut up.after all,if i don't think about it,then my overactive imagination won't exactly start making me paranoid and annoyed,will it?
so here's to taking things back to normal life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2010|10:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
at risk of sounding like some useless and ingrate of a son who has no values,i'm going to get this out so i can be at peace.
sometimes,the highest and best of moods don't disguise the fact that deep down,inside the core,your life is a complete mess and it won't get better.
i don't even find any comfort in scouts,i don't even find any solace in church,i can't even find proper friends in school,i've lost the emergency contact person for emo days,and as for my family,or so-called "family",i think that really,if they continually want to keep treating their son like a mentally-challenged 5-year old loser,then why bother even having me around?
let's face it.i already have shitty days in school trying to cope with the insane amount of work being thrown my way despite it only being day one.my parents expect me to work as if the A levels were tomorrow.it's JC1,hello,day 1?so why do you have to subject me to this much sanctioning?
you keep talking to me as if i was 5.well,in case you haven't noticed,your son is 16.he already went through Montfort,what more of society's dregs can he meet?he's one of society's rejects already,with a Montfortian education.and please lah,stop the endless lectures about not getting involved with any girl or doing things on a dark staircase in CJ,i think i'm perfectly rational enough not to start dating and screwing the indians and china people in class.
i'm expected to come home the moment school finishes.so what am i,a friendless loser?isn't that what you want your son to be,the friendless,elitist loser who acts as though he's from RI?my school friends you don't let me even talk to them when i have no work,my Scout friends you've deprived me of meeting up with,and my church friends you despise and think they're going to teach me all vice of the world.it's church,mum.when i stayover,it's not like we're going to sit in the pavillion and smoke pot and drink right?isn't that what you implyed when you trying to keep me at home?
i've hardly done anything with my life.my entire life has been nothing for the past 4 years.let me have some freedom to choose what i see when i look back 20 years from now.
i don't want to see a gulag. |
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| week 1 down. |
[Feb. 5th, 2010|08:13 pm] |
week one of JC is down and so far,4 days of orientation have ensured that one day of lectures hasn't killed me yet.although i was dying of boredom in GP lecture already.have to push on i guess.
pretty much can get along with the class already,even though the lack of chinese people (yes i'm racist) and the presence of 7 noisy indians has been pretty distracting.as for work,i already have a pile of homework on the first day of school,serious homework,unlike secondary school.
ODAC's first training today was insane,did more exercise than i've ever done in my life.still,my aspiration is to keep pushing on and surviving so i can pass trials.looking at the number of JC2 people,i'm afraid i might fail selection.really want to do ODAC but well,God may have other plans.ah well.
so it's been interesting i think,and maybe the key to surviving JC is to take things optimistically?i don't know.either way,looking forward to Mueller and Scouts tomorrow.not really too hyped up about what's going on between somebody and me though. (keep guessing).
shit lah i'm starting to sound damn feminine. |
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| one day, |
[Feb. 2nd, 2010|08:04 pm] |
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i hope i can actually tell you the truth about everything. |
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| Class 1T03 |
[Feb. 1st, 2010|08:28 pm] |
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it might be a mixed blessing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2010|07:46 pm] |
good things and bad things rarely come in streaks,they mostly come on and off.last week was good,this week wasn't.
but life has to go on,so well,after mueller,maybe. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2010|08:24 pm] |
from tomorrow,i will try to:
1)study like i should be
2)pray regularly and all again
3)stop worrying about my friendship with somebody
4)stop getting frustrated everytime my parents launch into the "you're a useless son" rant.
we'll see. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2010|10:32 pm] |
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isn't it strange how two minutes and probably under 10 lines can make a person's entire day? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2010|12:23 am] |
living in denial is the stupidest thing i've done all week,yet i'm living in denial even though the truth is blatantly obvious. |
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| be careful what you wish for,young man. |
[Jan. 22nd, 2010|01:33 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | idiocy | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
because you might just get it.not in the exact form you want,no,no,of course not.but in a parallel form,a form where it's fundamentally what you wanted,yet from a different source and in a different guise.
because it might just feel so different,so wrong,so out of place.because maybe,it's not meant to be,yet you're getting the parallel form of what you wanted and you don't want the substitute,you want the original.
because maybe it's just hype.and hype has always given you the false hope that has to be burnt down eventually,crushing the hopeful feeling.and hype then ruins your life.maybe it's that.who's to know?
the point is,that i wished for this.well,something like this.and i'm starting to receive it.but not from the source i wanted,and not in the way i wanted.not the setting,not the situation,and definitely not the right person.what now,david?i don't know.
but that's life,isn't it.life is never peachy clean,never exactly how you want it.and probably that's where all the points of an imperfect earthly life and the only perfect life being with God,where those points came from,life's imperfection.so what am i supposed to do?the answer was obvious and still is,live as best as i can in this flawed world.
of course,avoiding this becoming a entire essay of what's the most open and direct truth,what i do have to say,is that,it's happening.at the wrong time.wrong person.parallel,like my idle daydreams twisted and shot back at me.
how now,david chu? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2010|12:02 pm] |
1 more week to school starting (if everything goes to plan),yet i've done nothing much.i suppose it's better than spending the past month burning my time off at Cold Storage,but it's also been pretty nothing more than going for Scouts and sleeping.add that to learning how to use mac and the adobe suite.
not much to account for one month without any work or anything eh?i mean like,if i was having school now,it would be an accomplishment to do all this stuff.but with the unlimited time of one month without work,without some old man shouting at me to get the ham packed properly,it's not that much.
but 1 week isn't much.when school starts it's going to be hiong.so for the rest of this week,i shall merely sit back and slack like i've always been for the past month.
oh,and have some Scouts before it's taken away. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2010|04:06 pm] |
maybe quitting my job wasn't the best idea ever,now that i'm stuck at home with nothing much to do.
still,loads of time to read and use the computer,some things i won't have when school starts again.back to the rat race.agh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2010|09:32 pm] |
someday,i'll look back at my life at this point of time,and i will collapse onto a chair laughing my head off.
but for now,it feels lousy. |
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| thank you God because... |
[Jan. 11th, 2010|05:56 pm] |
I GOT 14 POINTS!
for a person who sleeps in class and only started studying 2 months before,it's nothing short of a miracle.
praise God! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2010|08:34 pm] |
i am not nervous about my O level results.
i repeat,i AM NOT nervous about my O level results.
ah what the heck lah.
as everyone likes to say in montfort,"fail then fail lah".
wherever God wants to kick me,even ITE,i don't really care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2010|12:24 am] |
i wish i had replied your sms,but it's a little too late,and the best opportunity i've had for a while just vanished.
#$(*#*#@%. |
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| change that we don't need. |
[Jan. 3rd, 2010|08:46 pm] |
you used to light up my day with your cheerful ways.
now you're still smiling.
just not for me anymore. |
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| for the record. |
[Jan. 1st, 2010|12:10 pm] |
so it's another year gone.big deal.
last year has been pretty insane,with Os and SPL and the faith crisis and the other nonsense.it's also been pretty good,with many learning experiences and lessons thrown in along the way.
but all that's history.all that's stuff that i'll keep quiet until you ask or something.and all that,though it was something to pick up lessons from,was also rather cocked up sometimes.
the only thing that i've actually decided i want back this year,is my faith in God.all the way last year,i've steadily lost and flew through rough patches with my faith.prayer,everything,sometimes it did work.but even then,most of the time,like the idiot i was,i carried on my path downwards.so here's to turning around.exactly when?that's another thing.
ah well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2009|11:31 pm] |
paranoia seems to be something that i was born with.
bummer. |
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