| dilemma of the year. |
[Nov. 30th, 2009|07:07 pm] |
get job,fund CCA hike.
with job,no more time to plan for CCA hike.
get job,got some cash.
got some cash,no friends to go out with.
let's pray at least i get to take leave from 19-23 dec or else i'll just let the guy fire me.
oh,and definitely no work on the 25th.even if i have to buy an MC. |
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| uh-oh. |
[Nov. 27th, 2009|10:25 pm] |
if andrew chu is coming home from university next week,then i have to move out of his room.
if i have to move out of his room...i have to move all the huge piles of stuff that belong to me because like some flea,i've burrowed and manifested throughout his room.
if i pass my job interview tomorrow,then i'll have very little time to clean up.
oh man.
time to start throwing everything into huge boxes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2009|09:55 pm] |
it worked.it actually worked.i can't believe it.it actually worked.
i can't believe it.this is akin to shock.the fact that i was sitting there wishing for it to happen and it really did.
thank you God. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2009|08:06 pm] |
we'll see when the time comes.
probably not going to be a good outcome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|10:48 pm] |
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i shouldn't wish for the impossible.8 months ago is 8 months ago and life will never return to that stage no matter how great it was. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|10:18 pm] |
i don't know what to do anymore.i just don't know how to handle everything coming on now.
it's just...
i don't know.there are a million words,a million ways to express this feeling.and yet none of them truly fit.
why. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|09:38 pm] |
this CCA prelim report is really preparing me for a future working as an office worker.
cycle to school at 7.30am,eat lousy canteen food for breakfast,sit in Scouts room and work at laptop and maps until 1pm,go for lunch until 2pm,work until 6pm with decreased productivity,go home after 6 and do some more work overtime at home.
another 4 days of this.although saturday onwards will be crazy,running a camp while doing this.
let's pray i can do it. |
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| prelims all over again. |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|08:42 pm] |
one look at the guidelines for the CCA hike prelim report,and my mind goes "what have i gotten myself into".
it's worse than IPOC.it's worse than CSC.it's like every single crazy thing i hate about Scouts rolled into one report that has to be done in 7 days.
but it's too late to back out.i'm in too deep.guess i'll just have to do like the O levels and suck it up,keep my head down,and get through.
we'll see. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|10:20 pm] |
i don't know what's going on with me.i really don't know.it's days like this i want to kick something.to go to the roof of this HUDC and scream my lungs out.what's wrong with me,God?is this the punishment for turning off your path?to have my family in shreds,to feel detached from every friend i have,to have copious amounts of stress and pain visited on me even after the major exams?yes,maybe You might have a plan.
i don't know.what kind of world is it when you would rather sit in a void deck listening to music instead of going home?i don't know.and everything that would be the slightest bit of comfort to me,everything and anything,is gone.i don't feel close to God,you're not around in SG,the Scout troop is in shreds and dying,my whole body is in lousy shape to even go anywhere strenous without pain.
if only.if only.if only this and if only that.i can't even talk to anyone about this crap.why should i feel guilty for what's going on in the family when it's not my problem?why do i feel guilty for it?is this some stupid thing?i don't know.i hate this.
i sound like some angsty teenage idiot right now.how sad.so this is what i've degenerated to now. |
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| holay-dayh. |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
day 2,post O levels and i still haven't decided what to do with my time other than CCA hike,cub scout camp.
yeah there's macs,which i still haven't applied to because the stupid cub scout camp is time-consuming.
still,tomorrow's open house @ Montfort will be fun.i get to wear full uniform for the first time in 3 months,i get to go play with fire as usual (not to mention having to burn the huge stack of done practice maths papers because it rained and we don't have any other kindling).
oh,and you're still gone.can't wait.ok can wait lah.but really what to do,i can't be bothered for now.
anyway,time to go mingle with the old people having cell in the dining room and go sleep.
cell tomorrow,or stay back to ensure the scouts booth goes smoothly?
cell lah.after all,i'm ponning next week due to camp. |
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| freedom |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|10:01 pm] |
well,the Os are finally over.for some reason it feels like any other time.i mean like,there's the big gap in my day without having to chiong and shovel down the work,but it feels like any other day.
of course,there is the fact that a phase of my life is over.it feels nice.time to fill the void with Scouts and all,i suppose.there's cub scout camp and CCA hike (if i pass selection) and well...
it feels quite empty still without you.i know i keep telling everyone i'm way past the emoing-about-that-girl stage,but being close friends and having constant contact makes it harder.and now that it's the holidays,the question keeps popping up:what am i going to do?
well.of course Scouts.and maybe working as one of the Muller stagehands.but that's all not so much time consuming.maybe a job as well.we'll see.
aiyah enough ranting and mumbling and whining about life lah.time to go think of anything but studies.
oh,and all the CLB and A levels people,jiayou.heh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|07:12 pm] |
i thought it would work.
looks like it didn't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|10:10 pm] |
one chance.one chance to get it right.
it's a baby step,but it's still a step.
let's hope nothing goes wrong.
after Os,i may not have studies on my mind anymore,but i sure have stuff like Scouts and someone to clog up the mind.
annoying.
should just let everything go and go chao keng somewhere for the rest of the year. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|10:05 pm] |
i love my family.really.i do.
thing is,there are still some things i really hate about them.
and one thing that has really gotten to me over the past week is their stupid tendency to play rubberband with my mind.
i mean like,it's one thing to understand that some things are wrong,it's another thing for your parents to keep trying to poison your mind against your brother.
maybe i'm seeing it wrongly,but that's what i see.
and it sucks.
having to sit here,and smile whenever each side of the family gives me their views of the other side.having to sit here,and pretend that i understand them.having to try and make each side see the other point of view in a subtle way.trying to keep each side quiet without letting them know i am.
it's my parents supposed to be holding the family together.not the son.
why are they the ones sowing the bloody discord? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|10:38 am] |
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ah,tis' a beautiful feeling to sleep at 12am,wake up at 11am,and not feel an ounce of guilt because you know that you can always study for the MCQs on monday.not today.today i shall enjoy whatever i haven't had for the past 1 year. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|07:50 pm] |
one can't help but get the feeling that when we talk,you're constantly trying to avoid talking to me.
thank you very much.why don't you just tell me to go screw myself,that'll be easier,then i can sit down,emo,and get over it,instead of having to sit here wondering what's going on,sit here on edge,and not know what really is happening.
really.
oh and in unrelated news,Nicholas Tang resigned as Chief Commissioner.
sad sia.was looking forward to taking my CCA from him.nice old man. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|05:47 pm] |
it would be much easier for me to live if i could read your emotion from here.
plus i feel completely stupid now.open an msn window,sit there for 10 mins thinking of what to say,then when i go back,you've logged off.
maybe it's just the tendency to plan everything, |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|05:43 pm] |
1 more week.and i'll be free from secondary education.
and with it,hopefully good riddance to Montfort and all the @#%$% there.
and.
HQ.
please reply me.
last chance at CCA leh.
come on. let's just hope everything works out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|11:14 am] |
sleep a little.
wake up.
miss golden opportunity.
some day,i'll look back at this and laugh. |
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| damn. |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|09:57 am] |
I WILL STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW BADLY I SCREWED UP ENGLISH AND HOW BADLY I SCREWED UP MATHS 1.
I WILL GO AND STUDY FOR PAPER 2 AND STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW LOUSY MY RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE.
help me,God. |
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